


Too far north and the wrong side

by Hypatia_66



Series: An UNCLE Gazetteer [24]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: ABC Challenge, Being Lost, Community: section7mfu, Gen, Mountains, Wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 21:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15082538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hypatia_66/pseuds/Hypatia_66
Summary: LJ ABC Affair II. Cities A-Z. Prompt XNapoleon's map-reading leaves a lot to be desired





	Too far north and the wrong side

Napoleon waxed lyrical about wine. They had a day or two free before they had to be in Paris, he was determined to make the most of it and had persuaded Illya that his life would not be complete if they did not explore the Route des Vins. Illya had heard of it, but Napoleon explained anyway. “It’s the road that runs through the vineyards of Alsace – it starts at Mulhouse and runs up the Rhine valley to Strasbourg.”

“I know.”

Unfamiliar with country roads in the Vosges, Napoleon had already misjudged by a factor of around ten the amount of time it would take to travel a couple of inches on a French map.

“If we make for Mulhouse, we can just drive up towards Strasbourg and take in a vineyard or two as we go – no problem. Then we’ll go on to Paris. Just follow my directions.”

Illya’s expressive mouth made one of those moues indicative of extreme dubiety, but his only remark was, “Whatever you say,” adding deadpan, “Which way now?”

Since the signpost offered names that he couldn’t find on the map, Napoleon was unable to answer immediately. “Try that way,” he said confidently.

“You want to go north?”

“Is that north?”

And so it went; the Vosges mountains are beautiful at any time of year; they weren’t in any particular hurry, not at the moment, so a detour or two didn’t matter. Illya accepted all instruction without comment. An hour or so later, coming into Combeaufontaine from the east, Napoleon once more suggested a right turn which took them north again. And at Vauvillers, rather than turning east onto the main arterial road, they crossed it, climbed a road through a forest and descended the other side into a river valley. Napoleon refused to let Illya stop at a café in the oddly named Bains-les-Bains: “We’re sure to be near Mulhouse soon.”

But several villages further on, Illya went on strike. “I need sustenance,” he said. “I don’t care whether it’s accompanied by wine, beer or just water. I want some food.”

oo000oo

After ordering, Illya took over the map from Napoleon and examined it, frowning. “You are a lousy map-reader, you know that? We’re in Xertigny… here.” He looked up. “We’re too far north and the wrong side of the Vosges for the wine road.”

“Ah.”

“We should have gone east earlier – look – this turning to Vesoul. From _here_ we would have to cross the mountains – that would take us to Colmar, way north of Mulhouse, and what’s more it would take us till nightfall.”

Like his namesake, rarely defeated (and he didn’t see this as his Waterloo), Napoleon replied, “Ah. Time for Plan B then. Let’s see what the wine list offers instead.”

“And I will map-read our route to Paris tomorrow.”

ooo0000ooo


End file.
